Once Upon a Time in the West

Report by Euan Kerr

Irvine.
Ayrshire’s only natural desert, the sun beat down mercilessly from the bright blue sky, vultures wheeled overhead, the heat haze shimmered, the visitors breathed in the dry air and waited for a sign.
The tension rose, anxious eyes scanned the horizon, the waiting continued for what seemed like forever, a speck in the distance, what was it? Closer and closer, it was a lean solitary figure striding purposefully across the arid, sandy Bad Lands, on and on the figure marched inexorably, sure and steadfast in his track. Flies buzzed, dogs crawled into the shade to lick their wounds, the tension was now unbearable, what was his purpose, what could he want?
He stopped, who would blink first? Beads of sweat formed and ran lazily down his craggy, lined features. The air crackled, fizzed and finally cracked with a noise like a pistol shot or the sound of a man treading on a snail whilst out walking his dog on a dark, still night.
“You are in the wrong place” he said, “your game isn’t here but in Ardrossan – didn’t you get the email?”
Oh well, back on the bus for the short trip north, both teams were short of numbers due to a combination of holidays and illness and it was agreed that the game was played as a training game of three thirds to allow for maximum coaching input. Cumnock had a one man advantage and following discussion with the North Ayrshire coaches and the referee it was decided that it was best to give everyone as much game time as possible and thus it began.
Not long into the game one of the North Ayrshire players suffered an injury to his arm and had to leave the field, Cumnock lent a player to the opposition and this evened up the numbers for the rest of the game. Thanks to Thomas Bowditch, Aidan Kerr and Gregor Aitken who stepped forward to play a third each for North Ayrshire. The depleted numbers meant that there was plenty of space to exploit (it looked more like a game of sevens) and the skilful Cumnock side certainly did that with a fistful of tries followed by a few tries more and inevitably the good, the bad and the ugly.
The good – plenty of free flowing rugby, the handling was pretty slick, the tackling was solid and the finishing was of the highest order.
The bad – the rucking was pretty poor, on several occasions the ball would be driven forward, the player would go to deck, turn and present the ball perfectly and then the North Ayrshire forwards would simply drive Cumnock off the ball.
The ugly – the Cumnock coaches!
When the dust finally settled the score line was 92-28 in Cumnock’s favour, the game was as one sided as the score would suggest but credit to North Ayrshire who never gave up and managed to record four tries of their own (admittedly one of them was scored by a Cumnock player whilst on loan to North Ayrshire and then to add insult to injury the same player then set up a try for the men from the north). The referee also is due a vote of thanks for officiating in the spirit that the game was played in, “you’ve got plenty of time to practice scrummaging on a Thursday night – let’s play rugby” was his comment before the game.
Final thanks to the Coalfield Community Trust for swapping us into a fresh, fully functioning bus when the one we were booked to use failed to start back at the garage.
For the record the scorers were S. Robson 5, B.Smith 4, A.Kerr 2, G.Gilliland 1, T.Bowditch 1, C.Park 1 with many conversions taken by various different players.
Team, G.Aitken, T.Bowditch, C.Park, B.Smith, T.Findlay, A.Kerr, S.Robson, G.Young, C.Hunter, R.McCrone, A.Harkiss, G.Gilliland.
Next week is back to business with an away league fixture at Whitecraigs.